i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
