he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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