so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
If I die, sorry about rent.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
