Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
