Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
