Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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