I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
