Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
