I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
