I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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