You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
