Me. At least after what I've been through.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
