it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
