My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He did a backflip because drugs
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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