he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
