Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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