I just pynch a tree in the face
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
