NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
