Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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