Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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