My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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