Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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