Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize