Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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