Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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