I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
