you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
