I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Never underestimate the power of titties
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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