At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize
