I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
