hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
