I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
