I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
