Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
