youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
The air taste purple.
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