Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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