I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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