I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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