I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
