yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
