my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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