I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize