just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
