i can't believe i had my finger in that
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
