shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
