Jerry, you need to find god
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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