I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
