i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Randomize
