He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
