I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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