Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
