I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
