How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
