all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
