I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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