it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize