Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
