I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize