mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
