Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
