oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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