honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
How naked do you want me to be?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
