What did we do last night that was yellow?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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