GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
